I'm sitting in my room, checking my timetable for tomorrow when I hear objects being thrown and angry yelling. Sobs start which I hear between crashes, like lightning. I know who it is. Pathetic instigator, I swear under my breath, getting pissed off. Why must she fucking ruin life? I come out of my room just in time, violence against my father has just begun, and I step between, a shield as I block hurtling objects. She reminds me of a child, so juvenille in her actions; the yelling, crying, and wrecking of possessions. She yells in another language, and it occurs to me that this might act as a mental barrier for me in the learning of my race's tongue.
I continue to block objects, moving others in her reach away, in precaution. I also notice my brother, too young, naive, soft to know better, sobbing. Stay strong my dear. I feel very dettatched, this lack of emotion strange, I do not seem to feel at all. I am tired, annoyance fading, and I accept this pathetic wretch as my mother, and this, as my life.

My father does not leave this time, but gathers himself, he is so strong. This woman gives him no grattitude, or love, but instead hatred, tearing him down constantly. But he sticks by for my brother, for me. I choke on guilt. He holds her, she kicks and punches him, but he perseveres. I've never seen him do this. His eyes are red, I know he is tired. Does he ever sleep now a days? Working seven days, seven nights, his mind never stops running, so many aspects to control. I don't know how he does it, never passing the stress on, mood always pleasant. Life isn't peaches and cream.

"I want to die." she says, "Living is hell, this world is hell." The words shock my brother, I see the now silent tears roll down his face, these words aren't new to me. Is it bad of me to think "Well go on then." in my head? Rid us of your presence, haunting, dragging us down. And life could be simpler I would suppose. Less drama, more smiles, and amybe I wouldn't feel like shit about myself or worry so constantly. Just one toe out of line... and I've cost my brother and father 'normal' life.

My father has his arm around her, I see in his eyes dettatchment, I admire his sacrifices. Here she goes again, she's bringing up the past. If I remember correctly, it was she who started it all. I was young, but I was not dumb. She had the affairs and filed for divorce. Hit where it hurts, the court case taking place on father's birthday. Try and steal the kids whom you never truly loved, possession we are, or so it felt like. No food in the house, no breakfast, lunch or dinner, not even glue. Drag us off to stranger's houses, letting weird men hold me, and ignoring my please for home, for Dad. Get engaged, move in, make a scene and rub it in, salt in the wound while Dad was struggling. No house for us, but it was more of a home. He clothed us, fed us, cared for us the best he could, while working seven days and nights. Moving on for the sake of us, though still the laughing stock of the small gossiping town. Someone to look after us, care fo us, ages ten and six. Someone who would do my hair, and run our baths, clean and read us stories while tucking us in bed. A lady for dad, and engagement was in the plans, but then who but super bitch clawed back into our lives.

And now here we are, in another place six years on, but nothing's changed, except my heart. Now I'm tired, school and work seven nights a week, but I don't care, I'm not feeling. I tune out and watch the clock blink on until midnight, thoughts of the weak coursing my anger to my heart. I've lost all respect, I'd maybe giver her her wish, but I'm no cold blooded killer. I ponder and deliberate, fucked up thoughts in my head, I ndon't wabnt to become a monster, and I'm scared. I don't want to be her

Now I'm sitting in my room, waiting for sleep to take me. School will be hell tomorrow. It's 1:15am, and I'm still hearing sobbing. I'm completely lost, I can't find my heart. I won't give up, I'm not going to be weak, pathetic...her. The world may be hell but I'll stand and I'll fight, and prove she is wrong. The world can't be as bad as her.